A Scream From the Depths of Depression

I want to hope.
In spite of everything going wrong.
In spite of drowning in the darkness.
In spite of being shattered by the shouting.
My heart is cracked and fragmented, splintering into thousands of pieces.
My mind is clouded by exhaustion and warring with shadows.
My lungs are screaming for clean air above the soot-choked clouds.
I want to be able to stand without falling back down immediately.
I want to be able to accept the grace extended to me without cringing in shame.
My eyes long to see light without squinting through a gray fog.
I want to hope without fearing the letdown, the mistakes, the crashing and burning.
I want to hope.